Jokes (literally all kinds - view thread at own risk)

[Switchtense]

So I thought we needed a joke thread. For jokes only obviously, so please dont contaminate it with random replies  

WARNING!
MAY CONTAIN HIGHLY OFFENSIVE JOKES! JOKES DO NOT REFLECT THE POSTERS PERSONAL OPINION AND ARE SOLELY OF ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES!    
WARNING!

After this has been said - let's hear your funniest jokes 

[Switchtense]

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

[Enerdshirak]

Whatever you might call it, some refer to this as the world's longest joke. Here you go!

[Abaddon]

What did the buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school?

Spoiler:

What kind of bagel can fly?

Spoiler:

What time does a tennis player go to Wimbledon?

Spoiler:

What kind of bees make milk?

Spoiler:

[Switchtense]

The scariest thing about this world war 3 starting is that we are on the Germans' side. They've never won a world war yet.


Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for Russian aggression in Ukraine.

He'd have invaded New Zealand by now.


Over 150 hurt and 35 killed in terrorist knife attacks in China.

They kind of make suicide bombers look a bit like soft twats, don't they?

[Bibbedsine]

On your own risk can offend someone:

[Bibbedsine]

Two friends met at the street and the first says: Hi you know whats new I got two medals from Paralympic games and you? What you got?
Second guy answers: Well I got two legs

[Switchtense]

I'm not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

[Switchtense]

I can't see the big deal with calling a Pakistani a Paki.
It's just the same as calling an Australian an Aussie, a Scotsman a Scot or a Frenchman a Cunt.

[Switchtense]

Some kid was playing up and being a right twat in Tesco, so his dad gave him a smack. This German woman comes over and tapped the dad on the shoulder and said, "In my country we don't smack our children."

He replied, "Well, in our country we don't gas our Jews."

[Switchtense]

Hitler wasn't such a bad guy.

After all, he did kill Hitler.

[Switchtense]

If World War One was a bar Fight... (Worth the read even though its quite long)

Spoiler:

[Bibbedsine]

Jesus   

[Speed_Of_Pain]

[DerpyHooves]

I'm known as Shitaki in Japan, yeah, it's cause they think I'm a fun-guy.

[Speed_Of_Pain]

^ literally shit joke   

[Grzyby]

4:50 LEGEND

[Switchtense]

46.2
After 10 years of marriage, I've learned an important lesson.

Flowers and an apology are a lot easier than actually changing.

[Abaddon]

What do you call a fake noodle?

Spoiler:

Where are otters from?

Spoiler:

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Spoiler:

What is brown and sticky?

Spoiler:

Why was the book afraid of the bookshelf?

Spoiler:

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

[Twilight_Sparkle]

I love it.

[Switchtense]

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

[Grzyby]

Whatever you might call it, some refer to this as the world's longest joke. Here you go!

Nailed it.


dayum o.O

[Speed_Of_Pain]

  

[Onicron]

-So Bob, how did your amputation go?
-Great, I hardly even notice my leg anymore!

[DerpyHooves]

Human walks into a bar in Equestria, barman says "Why the long face?"

I did joke right? That is how you joke?

[Deldrin]

[Speed_Of_Pain]

well, that escalated quickly

[DerpyHooves]

well, that escalated quickly

Bitches be hatin' an trippin yo.

[MelonChaser]

well, that escalated quickly

Bitches be hatin' an trippin yo.

I wonder what his cutie mark be~  Would it still count as a CM being on his butt?

[Abaddon]

well, that escalated quickly

I'm not calling fake, but I've seen memes made with iphonetextgenerator which were more legit than this.

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